I love being a mom. It’s what I was made to do. It’s all I’ve ever pictured myself doing. This is what I was supposed to do. It’s amazing and wonderful and everything I wanted.
Except when it isn’t.
The pressure, the never-ending neediness, the cooking, the cleaning.
The bedtime tummy aches, the morning meltdowns.
The doctor appointments, the dentist appointments, the eye appointments, the hair appointments.
Always having to make the same appointments for myself last. If at all.
The worrying, the yelling, the crying.
The looks we try to ignore when we go to the store with one child who forgot shoes and decided to lay down on a bag of rice and wouldn’t get up plus two more who fist fight in the checkout line. True story.
The constant noise of people saying we need to treasure Every. Single. Minute.
I don’t want to. And I don’t think we should. I think we should own the fact that sometimes this job sucks and we want to hand in our resignation.
It’s fucking hard.
Why shouldn’t we hate it once in a while without feeling like maybe we aren’t cut out for the whole reproducing thing and probably just should have had fish?
Why can’t we say sometimes that it sucks and not be judged?
This is the hardest damn job EVER and we are supposed to cherish every single minute of it?
I call bullshit.
Every waking moment is wrapped up in the people we love. Every decision we make shapes the lives and the futures of these little people.
And at least half the time, we have no idea what the hell is going on. We didn’t go to college for this. There was no test.
WHY ISN’T THERE A TEST?!
We’re just making shit up as we go along.
Any reputable boss would totally have fired me years ago. There are days when I’m just keeping them alive and counting down the hours.
And yet, these small people look up at us as if we can do anything. Fix anything. Be anything. Know anything.
But I guess that’s why, when there are holes in the walls, syrup on the floor, homework to be done, hair to be washed, blueberry applesauce on the white rug, sports practices to get to, dentist appointments to make, and toilets to clean….we can take a deep breath and say “Yes, I can help you. Yes I can fix that. Yes I understand”
Even when we have no damn idea.